Tactical Relationships
by FullmetalWizard1995
Summary: When in need of relationship advice, who does Oscar turn to but Boyd and Soren. Guess which one gives the better advice? Oneshot.


**A little random short, inspired in part by real events that I happened to be an outside observer of. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fire Emblem. Sure wish I did, but I don't. **

It was a typical day off for the Greil Mercenaries. Some of them were sleeping, some were sparring, but most were just lazing around. Soren, in particular, was seated at the kitchen table, nose in his tactics book. Boyd was also there, cooking, of all things. When Soren had entered the kitchen and found the fighter in front of the stove, pink apron and all, he couldn't resist making a few comments. This had resulted in Boyd taking a spoonful of hot sauce and flinging it at the mage, nearly taking out an eye. Soren liked his eyes, so he sat down at the table and was quiet. And everything was going well, until Ranulf showed up.

"Heya, Soren!" the cat cheered, chipper as usual. "Whatcha reading there?"

"A book on war tactics," Soren told him plainly.

Ranulf burst into laughter. "War tactics! You gotta be kidding me!" He then punched Soren in the shoulder in what was meant to be a friendly gesture. "You're such a square. Come on, come spar with me! It'll be-"

The cat was cut off when Soren asked, "Ranulf, would you like to die during our next battle?"

Ranulf's chipper attitude began to fail now. "Wh-what? You…you're joking, right? Of course I don't want to die!"

"Then I suggest you refrain from irritating and insulting the one who plots your every move in battle." Soren flipped the page in his book before continuing. "One moment a front-line attacker, the next a sacrificial meatshield."

Ranulf had no clue what to say to that, so after fumbling over an apology, he scampered from the room.

Meanwhile, back in the kitchen, Soren sighed. Maybe Ranulf was right. This book on tactics was getting rather boring. Just as the mage closed the hardcover and stood to return it to his room, another figure entered the kitchen.

"Um, Soren…?"

"Whaaaaaaat?" Soren whined as he turned around. "Can't you people just…oh, it's you."

The new arrival was Oscar, looking around nervously. The lance knight wasn't entirely sure if Soren was the right person to ask about his problem, but so far everyone else had ignored him.

"Um…" Oscar began again.

"Spit it out," Soren commanded, "I haven't got all day."

"Well, alright." In an effort to stall, Oscar took his time and pulled out a chair from the table and sat on it, much to Soren's annoyance.

"Okay," Oscar began for the third time, "you know the shopkeeper Aimee?"

"I do. She has a massive crush on Ike." Soren recalled amusing memories of seeing Ike run away from the smitten shopkeeper.

"Not any more."

"Oh?" Soren was slightly taken aback. "Who's the poor soul she's after now?"

"Er, well, me, but-"

"So you want me to help you avoid her?" Soren cut across the knight.

"No."

"Well, why not?" Soren demanded. He couldn't understand why someone wouldn't want to get away from Aimee. She was just so creepy.

"Because I…" Oscar faltered. "I kind of…like her."

"Oh." Soren sat down now. _This is getting interesting. _"So what do you want me to do?"

"Well, you see, Aimee is really touchy-feely and I'm not-"

Soren scoffed. "Enough of the obvious, let's get to the point."

"Uh…er, right." Oscar stuttered. "Anyway, I really want to be in a relationship with her, but for reasons previously stated, I don't know if I can. Every time I go near her, she…" Oscar made a face and shuddered slightly.

"Hmm." Soren had to think about this one. He wasn't exactly an expert when it came to relationships. When he came to a conclusion and went to speak, he was cut off by Boyd wanting in on the action.

"What's your problem, Oscar?" the fighter chided his brother. "Why won't you let Aimee touch you?"

"I'm not comfortable with it," Oscar repeated. "I don't want to be a…a toy."

"So?" Boyd exclaimed, throwing his arms in the air. "Be her toy! What's so bad about that?"

Soren couldn't listen to it anymore. "Oh, for the love of- stand up for yourself, Oscar!" The mage slammed his fist on the table, and despite his slight frame the table still shook. "If you're not going to be happy being a toy then tell Aimee that! Don't be so weak!"

Boyd gave Soren the biggest condescending look he could manage. "Oh, what do you know about relationships?" He then turned back to Oscar. "Listen to me. Be a toy. Make Aimee happy. Give her what she wants."

"Are you stupid?" Soren directed the insult at Boyd before returning to Oscar. "Go. Find Aimee. Tell her how you really feel. This relationship will go nowhere unless you do."

By this point, Oscar was very confused. While he really didn't fancy being a toy, he also wasn't sure how Aimee would react if he told her his true feelings. Mulling all this over in his mind, he said, "I'm still not sure what to do, but thank you both for your help."

He stood up to leave, but stopped when Soren appeared in front of him, one hand on his hip and the other pointing at the door. "Go talk to Aimee. Right. Now."

Oscar may have towered over Soren, but the little mage was an intimidating figure when he wanted to be. Oscar left the room to go find Aimee.

Boyd, on the other hand, turned on Soren. "Great," he said, waving his ladle around in the air, "now the boy's going to get his heart broken all because of you."

"Don't forget," Soren reminded him, "I've got brains while you're just muscle."

"Yeah, well, you're a twig."

"You're wearing a frilly pink apron."

As Boyd went to fire something back, Soren spun on his heel and marched out of the room with his war tactics book. "Just you wait," he called over his shoulder. "We'll see who's right come tomorrow!"

* * *

><p>The next day, while preparing for battle, Oscar approached Boyd and Soren. The fighter was sharpening his silver axe while the mage was busy trying to locate where he had left his wind tome this time.<p>

"Hey guys!" Oscar greeted cheerfully. "Guess what?"

"You got your heart broken?" Boyd ventured.

"Shush, Boyd, and wait a minute," Soren reprimanded. "Stop letting your overzealous attitude take over what little reasoning you have."

Boyd rounded on the mage, furious. "Well, aren't you just full of insults lately? Maybe I should let my axe do the talking." He swung the weapon around, nearly taking out Rhys who had picked a really bad time to walk by.

"Um, guys…" Oscar attempted.

"WHAT?" the two yelled at the same time.

Oscar grinned. "I got a girlfriend."

Boyd's jaw dropped all the way to the floor, while Soren took on a smug expression.

"You…you mean…" Boyd babbled, waving his arms around madly. "He…he was…" He waved his arms at Soren. "His…advice was…"

"It worked!" Oscar cried gleefully. "I explained to Aimee how I felt, and after talking for a while, we came to a compromise. I agreed to be a little more touchy-feely and she agreed to give me my space. It all worked out!" The knight then crushed the smaller boy in a massive bear hug. "Thank you, Soren! Thank you so much!"

"You're…welcome…" Soren choked out. "Now let…go…can't…breeeaathe…"

"Eh? Oh, sorry," Oscar gently placed the mage back on his feet, smiling sheepishly. Boyd was still gaping at the pair of them.

"I can't believe you were right," he said to Soren. "What do _you_ know about relationships? _How_ do you know what you do?"

"Simple," Soren smiled. "I'm a trained observer. And I've got a little extra brain power." He leaned closer to Boyd and tapped a pale finger against his temple, then walked away.

Boyd stood, dumbstruck. "Hey!" he called out in a delayed reaction. "Was that an insult? I'll get you for that, Soren!" He then ran off after the mage, swinging his axe wildly and nearly taking out Rhys a second time. Oscar just watched in mild amusement and shook his head sadly.

"When will they ever learn?"

**This was…longer than I intended. But Soren kept coming up with insults, and Boyd - being Boyd - just had to retaliate, so I suppose that's what made it longer. Anyway, hope you liked it! **


End file.
